Grief is an experience that binds us all. It arrives unannounced, dismantles what we know, and leaves us wrestling with loss—whether that’s the loss of a loved one, the end of a project, or a seismic shift in the world around us. As leaders, we are often expected to hold it together, to keep moving forward, to fix things. But grief doesn’t work that way. It slows us down. It demands to be felt, processed, and understood. And in this slowing down, there are lessons that can transform how we lead, how we connect, and how we live.
For years, I believed that leadership was about strength, resilience, and decisiveness. But grief taught me that true leadership is also about vulnerability, empathy, and understanding the depth of human experience. To truly lead others, we must first lead ourselves through the most difficult terrain. It’s here—at the intersection of pain and purpose—that the Change Journey Framework becomes a guide for navigating not only professional transitions but also the very personal, often devastating, process of loss.
This is a story about that journey.
The Moment Everything Changes
It often starts with a phone call. Or maybe it’s a meeting where you hear the words that send a chill down your spine: “We’re going in a different direction.” “We’ve lost the account.” “They didn’t make it.”
The room gets smaller. The world shifts. You suddenly feel as if you’re standing at the edge of something vast and unknowable. Everything you thought you had control over now seems distant, out of reach.
This is the moment of Awareness. The realization that nothing will ever be quite the same. Whether it’s the loss of someone you love or a dream you’ve been chasing, grief begins here. In leadership, this might be the moment when a project falls apart or when your company faces an unexpected downturn. You feel unsteady, unsure. But the most important thing you can do is allow yourself to feel the impact.
Many of you have read my accounts of the passing of my mother and more recently my father. I was with each of them when they took their respective last breaths. It felt like the ground had been pulled out from under me. The first reaction was denial: This can’t be real. This can’t be happening.
But it was happening. And denying it didn’t make it any less true. Leaders must learn to sit with this initial shock. The impulse to move past it quickly is strong, but to truly grow, we must allow ourselves to become fully aware of the change that has occurred.
Naming the Pain
Once the shock wears off, the emotions come in waves. Anger, sadness, frustration, even guilt. You think of all the things you could have done differently, all the ways you could have been more prepared, more present, more in control.
This is the phase of Acknowledgment. In the context of grief, this is where we name what we’re feeling. And as leaders, it’s where we must give ourselves—and our teams—permission to feel. Too often, we think that as leaders, we have to suppress our emotions to keep others on track. But the truth is, acknowledging those emotions is where the healing begins.
When I lost my parents, I didn’t want to talk about it at first. I wanted to bury myself in work, to stay busy. But ignoring grief only lets it grow in the shadows. Eventually, I had to sit with it. I had to let myself cry, let myself be angry. I had to talk about it with others. And what I learned in those conversations is that my vulnerability created space for others to share their own stories of loss and pain.
As a leader, you don’t have to have all the answers. What you need is the courage to be honest about what you're feeling and to invite others to do the same. In acknowledging grief, you build trust. You create a foundation of authenticity that strengthens your team in ways you can’t imagine.
Finding Peace in Acceptance
There’s a moment in the grieving process when you realize that the struggle to change what’s already happened is futile. You can’t turn back time. You can’t undo the loss. What you can do, however, is begin to accept the new reality.
Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re okay with what happened. It doesn’t mean you stop feeling the pain. It simply means you stop fighting against it. You stop asking why and start asking what now?
In leadership, this is the Acceptance phase of the Change Journey Framework. It’s the point where you recognize that a project, a strategy, or a team dynamic has shifted irreversibly. You let go of what was, and you begin to work with what is.
For me, accepting my parent's passing was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. But once I stopped resisting the reality of their absence, I was able to reflect on the gifts they had left behind—their wisdom, kindness, and influence on my life. I realized that moving forward didn’t mean forgetting; it meant honoring their legacy by applying what I had learned from them.
Leaders who reach this stage of acceptance begin to see opportunities where before there was only loss. They start to find meaning in the change and begin crafting a new path forward.
Turning Grief into Action
After acceptance comes the most critical step: Action. This is where the healing becomes tangible, where the lessons learned start to shape the future. In the face of loss, action might feel impossible at first. But it doesn’t have to be grand gestures; it can be small, intentional steps.
In leadership, action is about deciding how to respond to the change you’ve faced. Maybe your team needs a new direction, or perhaps it’s time to rethink the company’s strategy. Whatever the case, the key is to act with purpose and clarity.
After my personal losses, I channeled my grief into building stronger, more authentic relationships with the people around me. I reached out to colleagues and friends I hadn’t spoken to in a while. I focused on creating an environment where people felt valued, heard, and supported. The loss of my parents became a catalyst for deepening connections and rethinking my priorities as a leader.
Leaders who act in the wake of grief demonstrate resilience, not just in themselves but in their teams. They show that even in the darkest moments, there is a way forward.
The Quiet Triumph of Accomplishment
And then, one day, without even realizing it, you’ll find yourself in a moment of Accomplishment. It’s not the kind of accomplishment you celebrate with fanfare. It’s quieter, deeper. It’s the realization that you’ve survived the storm. That you’ve carried your team, and yourself, through the hardest part, and you’re still standing.
In personal grief, this might look like the first time you laugh again, the first time you feel joy without guilt. In leadership, it’s when you look at your team and see how far they’ve come, how resilient they’ve become. You realize that the struggle wasn’t for nothing—that it has made you all stronger.
Accomplishment in the wake of grief doesn’t mean the pain is gone. It means you’ve learned how to live with it and, more importantly, how to lead with it. The experience of loss has reshaped your leadership in ways that will serve you for the rest of your life.
Grief as a Path to Purposeful Leadership
Grief changes you. But it doesn’t have to break you. In fact, when you allow yourself to fully experience it—when you follow the stages of the Change Journey Framework—you emerge not just as a leader, but as a more compassionate, empathetic human being. You learn that real leadership is about more than driving results or making decisions. It’s about understanding the full spectrum of the human experience and leading others through their own journeys of transformation.
So, if you find yourself in the midst of grief, whether personal or professional, know that there is a path forward. It won’t be easy. But as you move through awareness, acknowledgment, acceptance, action, and accomplishment, you’ll discover that grief can be a powerful teacher. It can deepen your leadership, strengthen your relationships, and ultimately, transform your life.
Let grief be your guide—not to an ending, but to a new beginning.
Omar L. Harris is the managing partner at Intent Consulting, a firm dedicated to improving employee experience and organizational performance and author of Leader Board: The DNA of High-Performance Teams; The Servant Leader's Manifesto; Be a J.E.D.I. Leader, Not a Boss: Leadership in the Era of Corporate Social Justice, Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion; Leading Change: The 4 Keys; Hire the Right W.H.O.M.: Sourcing the Right Team DNA Every Time; and The J.E.D.I. Leader's Playbook: The Insider's Guide to Eradicating Injustices, Eliminating Inequities, Expanding Diversity, and Enhancing Inclusion available for purchase in ebook, print, and audio on Amazon.com. Please follow him Instagram, Twitter, and/or his website for more information and engagement.
Comments